Jake, Hamilton, and Emily
by Tanya May
Summary: Hamilton goes to visit Jake in New York after summer session, and finds out she has another secret
1. Emily

Title: Jake, Hamilton, and Emily. Author: Tanya Email: mimilove56@yahoo.co.uk Rating: PG-13 Category: Jake/Hamilton Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for the character of Emily Summary: Hamilton visits Jake in New York after summer session, and discovers she has another secret. Thanks: To everyone who's ever written fanfic, for giving me inspiration and motivation to write. To phoebs, for support. I'd love some feedback!  
  
Part 1 Jake walked through the hall of her New York home. She was wearing faded jeans and a loose fitting jumper. Nothing too feminine, but you could tell she was a girl. She looked beautiful in a glowing kind of way. It was getting late; the light through the windows in the hall is that summer evening kind.  
  
She opened the front door and gasped as she saw who it was.  
  
"Hamilton". He was standing on the doorstep, looking more gorgeous than ever before, if that's possible. He was carrying a backpack, and full sports bag. And he was grinning insanely as he looked at her.  
  
Jake couldn't help but smile back. The butterflies in her stomach were more frantic than they usually were when she looked at him, and she knew why. That nagging thought in her mind was pushed right to the back though, as he stepped toward her.  
  
"You're early", she said, smiling as his mirrored smile came inches from hers.  
  
"I couldn't wait", he said, before leaning in for a soft, but meaningful kiss. She ran her hand through his soft hair. He held her waist gently.  
  
*Crash* They separated quickly, and both looked toward where the sound came from: the kitchen. Jake looked concerned; Hamilton looked puzzled.  
  
"Is someone here?" he asked.  
  
Jake began to back away toward the kitchen. An apologetic look covered her face, and she stopped. "Hamilton.I have to tell you something", she began, and looked meaningfully into his eyes.  
  
He looked toward the kitchen, as he sensed movement, and was shocked to see a little girl, probably around two years old, standing in the doorway. Not as shocked though, as when.  
  
"Mommy!"  
  
Hamilton's mouth fell open, literally, as he looked toward the girl in the blue dress. He turned to look at Jake, his eyes wide. She looked back at him, a look of complete regret, and pity, on her face. Their eyes locked, as Hamilton's world came crashing down around him, and Jake saw the man she loved crumbling beneath that one word. She looked toward her daughter, after a few seconds, as she knew she had to. Emily was only young; she didn't understand why anybody should have more attention than she should.  
  
"What is it honey?" Jake asked, as she picked up her daughter and rested her on her hip like it was the most natural thing in the world.  
  
"The tower fell down", Emily replied, twisting her dress in her hands.  
  
Jake wiped a stray hair lovingly from her daughter's face. "That's okay sweetie, we can build another one."  
  
Hamilton looked toward the pair. The woman he loved with the whole of himself, and.her daughter. He was shocked beyond belief. She'd lied. Again! And.about.THIS! They looked perfect together. Jake's hip was made for that little girl to sit on. Hamilton's stomach jumped three feet in the air as he realised something. 'Jake's not a virgin!' And then a million different questions zoomed through his head in a millisecond. 'Who's the father?' 'Are they still together?' 'Does she love me?' 'Why didn't she tell me?'  
  
By this point, Jake had walked toward Hamilton, with Emily still on her hip. "Emily, I want you to meet Hamilton. Say hello."  
  
"Hello Hamilton." Emily looked down shyly as she said it. Jake looked intently at Hamilton. He looked through them. He felt like he was floating, like it was a dream.  
  
Jake frowned at Hamilton. She knew this was a huge blow for him, and she wasn't surprised at how he'd reacted. Her heart ached as she looked at him. "Come on Emily, let's get you to bed", she said quietly, and headed toward the stairs. With one last look at him, standing in the hallway, she walked slowly up the stairs. 


	2. Different

Jake turned the corner in the stairs and froze as she looked up and saw Hamilton standing in exactly the same position as when she'd left him to put Emily to bed. She sighed, and continued walking until she stood directly in front of him. She touched his arms gently.  
  
"Ham?" she said, questioningly. His eyes drifted over her. She looked intently at him. "We have to talk." He nodded weakly. She guided him toward the living room, and sat him on the sofa. She sat next to him, although not too close. She didn't want to crowd him.  
  
"Hamilton, I need to explain this". Jake looked at him, waiting for his reaction. After what seemed like forever, he appeared to snap out of his distant state, and looked at her intently.  
  
"Go ahead", he said calmly, and leaned back against the arm of the sofa, looking at her.  
  
"Okay, here goes". Now that she had his attention, she didn't know where to begin. She had run through telling him this in her mind: millions of times. But now, when it came to it, she was lost. She started with the simple stuff.  
  
"That little girl, is Emily. She's my daughter. She's nearly two. Her father told me he loved me, and I thought I was in love with him. But it turned out he was only so sweet and charming to get me into bed." Jake looked down as she told her story. She couldn't face the disapproval she knew would be in his eyes. She'd lied to him.again. She knew this was a bad situation. She wasn't trying to make him feel sorry for her, just see if she could get him to understand what she was going through.  
  
"As soon as he heard I was pregnant, he ran. It finally dawned on me that all the people I'd called my friends for the past 3 years were just the same as what I had become; spoilt little brats, who needed someone to love them. I didn't like them any more than I liked myself. I came home, and Consuela looked after me. Mum didn't come home in all the time I was pregnant, and I didn't want to tell her over the phone. I had Emily by myself, and I loved her as soon as I saw her. I'd quit school by then, and was just concentrating on looking after Emily as best I could, and trying to become more of who I wanted to be. That was the time I really got into hacking. Then.mom came home."  
  
Hamilton looked up at these words. He knew things between Jake and her mom were bad, but he hadn't realised they had been so bad she hadn't known she had a granddaughter.  
  
"She was mad. Really mad. Instead of looking after me, and telling me she loved me, like I hoped she would, she distanced herself even more. She didn't realise she didn't know me then, I don't know if she ever will. I was just a kid. I still am really. Any adult wouldn't have reacted the way I did. After being tutored for a while, and having someone love me for a change, mom said I had to go back to school, and that Consuela would look after Emily. She said I could 'see her in the holidays'. I didn't want to see my child every four months and have her end up like me. But, of course, mom didn't understand that. That's why I went to Rawley Boys, with the whole charade. I was SO mad at her for taking me away from my baby. Consuela knew about the whole thing."  
  
"And then, I met you."  
  
Hamilton looked up, and for the first time since she'd begun, their eyes met. Hamilton watched a single tear fall down Jake's cheek. Jake looked down and continued, tears beginning to fall more freely. She wiped her eyes roughly.  
  
"I found it difficult to trust you at first. I don't think I've ever completely trusted anybody before. But you were so wonderful, and understanding. I love you, Hamilton. I never lied about that. You're the only person that makes my life make sense. I grew up a lot after I had Emily, but I'm still a little kid that needs loving. This summer at Rawley was the best time in my life. I've missed you so much while I've been at home. I put on a brave face for Emily, but I need you, to stay alive. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."  
  
Jake looked up at Hamilton, to find him looking into his lap. He looked crushed. Like a broken shell. She wanted so much to pull him into her arms and have him comfort her as she comforted him. To kiss him, and for everything to be the way it was. But she knew it never would. Things were different now. 


	3. Not enough

Hamilton breathed in deeply and opened his mouth as if to speak, before closing it again. Then he looked up at Jake and said what was on his mind.  
  
"You told me you'd never had sex." It was an unfinished question, but it was obvious what he meant. Jake considered her answer.  
  
"When I arrived at Rawley," she began, "I could leave behind my old self. Be the teenage girl I'm supposed to be, rather than the thirty-year-old I have to act like sometimes. I wasn't proud of who I was. I love Emily with my life, but I was too young. I grew up as a wild child, 'cos of my mom. I didn't sleep around, but it was pretty close. I wanted to start again; to be innocent again."  
  
"So that time in the shower.I was just another guy to you."  
  
"No. God no." As Jake spoke, Hamilton looked up, but then down again when he caught her eye, and seemed to stop listening. "I love you, with all of my heart. You'll never be 'just another guy'. From the moment I kissed you, I have loved you." Jake was wearing her heart on her sleeve; not a thing she usually did. But she needed him. She could feel him slipping away already.  
  
"So, that kiss." Hamilton remembered the moment on the roof. "That was just part of the old you coming out."  
  
Jake thought about this. "Yes, I suppose. But.I was.SO attracted to you. Hamilton, the old me, it's still a part of who I am. I may not be proud of it, but it's still a part of me." Jake leaned forward and pointed to her chest as she spoke.  
  
And then it came. The anger. An outburst. Every irrational thought in Hamilton's mind came flooding out.  
  
"So you're not proud of the kiss. You wish you hadn't done it. You wish you hadn't been with me. You wish I'd never thrown caution to the wind. You wish I didn't love you. You wish I wasn't here. You wish." By now, Hamilton had stood up and walked toward the other side of the living room. He was breathing heavily.  
  
Jake walked toward him and touched him gently on the arm. Hamilton flinched at the contact and glared at her. Jake, shocked, took a step back, afraid.  
  
Hamilton rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna go," he said emotionlessly.  
  
Jake froze as he said the words, and stood motionless as he walked past her. Then love and fear of loosing him took over her pride, and she grabbed his arm, pleading with him.  
  
"Please, Hamilton, I love you. I love you." She said the words more forcefully. "So much. You and Emily." Hamilton flinched at the little girl's name. Jake was shocked and dropped his arm before continuing. ".are the most important people in the world to me. You mean everything to me. I'd be lost without you. Please. I'm so sorry." Tears were pouring down Jake's face, while Hamilton's remained cold. "I love you", she said again.  
  
"It's not enough any more."  
  
"Hamilton, I hate to see you like this." Jake tried to make eye contact with him as she spoke, peering intently at his face. "Pretending you don't have a heart. You DO. I know you do. You proved that to me over and over. What's going on?"  
  
Hamilton looked at her. "Goodbye Jacqueline."  
  
Jake used her last piece of strength to keep the love of her life. "I love you. Please. Don't leave me."  
  
Hamilton looked at her, no meaning in his eyes, and left, closing the door behind him.  
  
As soon as the door closed, Jake sunk into a heap on the floor; crying so hard she could barely breathe. Weeping for the loss of part of herself. She continued to cry when she had no tears left, sitting in a broken heap on the floor, hugging her knees. 


	4. Rain and Tears

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Hamilton continued to drag his feet along the pavement, ignoring the shouts from the people he walked into. His jacket was hanging off his shoulder, and his shoelace was untied. It was very early morning, and he looked as though he hadn't stopped walking all night. He slumped onto a bench on the side of the road, dropping his bags on the floor. He sat there for a long time, staring into nothingness. He looked lost; he probably was. A flickering street lamp nearby finally gave up, and he was left sitting in semi-darkness, still staring ahead, unmoving. It began to rain. His hair became plastered to his forehead, and drops of water fell off the end of his nose. Once it had been raining pretty hard for a while, he slowly looked down at his feet and noticed they were wet. He looked to the sky, as if to say 'typical', before going back to staring ahead.  
  
Jake sat, leaning against the front door. Her eyes were red, and she looked like she'd been looking at the same bit of wall for the last nine hours. She looked completely drained. The sun began to shine through the window, on her patch of wall, and she blinked a few times, sniffing. She looked around, and spotted a clock on the wall. She contemplated the time, took a deep breath, and stood up, using the door for support. She threw back her head, stood up tall, and plastered a smile on her face, giving her a fake kind of happiness. She walked up the stairs, and went to wake her little girl.  
  
Hamilton sat on the same bench, his clothes heavy with water and hanging off him. He looked calm, his mouth turned up at the corners a little. He wasn't looking as miserable as he did. He looked around slowly, in an almost robotic way, and the sun shone on his face. Then, slowly, he stood up, and began to walk along the pavement again. Only this time, he was in control, and stood up more straight, placing his feet more definitely on the floor.  
  
Emily's hands were covered in cake mixture as she stirred the contents of the bowl she was holding. Jake stood next to her; the same smile still plastered on her face as she says, "That's it, just keep stirring." She looked up as she heard the doorbell ring.  
  
"I'll just go see who that is, okay? Just keep doing what you're doing." Jake wiped her hands on a cloth as she spoke to her daughter, before leaving the kitchen. Almost as soon as she'd passed through the doorway, the smile flew from her face, her shoulders dropped, and she showed what she was really feeling.  
  
She opened the door, looking down. Slowly, her eyes ran up the person standing in front of her, till they came to rest on his, filled with concern.  
  
"God Ham, what happened? Were you out in the rain? You look terrible."  
  
"Don't look too good yourself", he replied quietly, looking straight at her.  
  
Jake looked down to find she was still wearing what she had worn yesterday. Although, 'wearing' would probably not be the best word to use. Her clothes more like hung on her. She tugged at her short hair; slightly embarrassed that she hadn't even realised her rugged state. She looked up as Hamilton spoke, his tired but still sparkling blue eyes looking into her wearied green ones.  
  
"Look, Jake, you were right. I was being heartless. I do love you, and I.don't.think I wanna lose you just 'cos there's a." He paused as he looked toward the kitchen to see Emily roughly attacking the cake mixture. "...very beautiful little girl around now. But.there's a lot I need to ask, and tell you."  
  
Jake looked at Hamilton, and felt as if she may begin to cry again. But she had no tears left.  
  
"OK", she said, responding to what he'd said, and met his eyes again. They knew that the first steps toward forgiveness had been taken. Then, as if on cue, they both turned their heads slowly to look toward the kitchen, and smiled weakly to see Emily licking her fingers and the spoon she was holding.  
  
Jake turned back to look at Hamilton, as he stood on the doorstep: watching her daughter enjoying the 'cooking'. *He looks ruined. I hope he can forgive me* she thought.  
  
"Why don't you have a shower, and change", she suggested, pulling him out of his trance. "Do you have dry clothes?" She lowered her eyes, indicating the sports bag he was holding, that was pretty soaked too.  
  
"Yeah", he replied. "Okay." He looked intently at her, still feeling the same burning love for her, even after all that had happened. *She looks tired. This has affected her as much as me. But God, she still looks beautiful* He refrained from reaching out and touching her.  
  
They both knew how much they wanted each other. They each had a huge wish to kiss the other and forgive everything, but they had a stronger knowledge of what had to be done first.  
  
"The shower's upstairs. Second door on the left. There should be clean towels in there. Yell if you need anything." Jake instructed.  
  
"Okay", Hamilton said gently, heading toward the stairs after pulling off his shoes.  
  
"And come down when you're done, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah." Hamilton walked slowly up the stairs.  
  
Jake watched him until he turned the corner, and sighed. She put on her Emily front again, with acted enthusiasm, and headed toward the kitchen. 


	5. Sleep

Hamilton peeled off his wet clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor, and stepped into the shower. He let the hot water run over him, and closed his eyes as it slowly heated him up. He could have fallen asleep standing up he was so tired, but he had so many thoughts running through his head. So many questions. He stood there for a long time, thinking.  
  
Jake dragged herself into the living room after shutting the front door. She flopped into a chair, took a deep breath, and promptly fell asleep.  
  
Hamilton finished dressing and looking at his reflection. The clean, dry clothes made him look less like he'd just been pulled out of a river. More like the Hamilton we know and love.  
  
He looked into his own tired eyes. He knew how much he loved Jake, how much he wanted to touch her when she was near him. But it had taken a while to settle in. *Jake's a mom.* He could still barely believe it, but he knew it was true. *She lied to me.* Yeah, that had sunk in. *Not like she hasn't done it before!* he thought bitterly. *God, why am I thinking that? She had a perfectly good reason for not telling me last time. Why should this be any different?* Hamilton took a deep breath, and opened the bathroom door.  
  
He turned the corner in the stairs, and stopped when he saw her sleeping. She was curled up in a chair, and looked so peaceful. He sat on a sofa at right angles to her chair, and watched her silently. Suddenly, she jumped awake, and smiled when she saw him. Then she seemed to remember and looked down.  
  
"Sorry", she said quietly. There was a silence, but it wasn't awkward. Then Jake seemed to remember something.  
  
"Urm, Em's gone to playgroup. Her friend's mom took her."  
  
Hamilton nods and looks down. There was a short silence.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Hamilton put his head on one side, and looked at her. Jake looked right back, changed position in her chair, and began. 


	6. Forgiveness

"Well, to start with, I wasn't about to burst out and say, 'Hamilton, I have a daughter', when you didn't even know I was a girl. And then, after I told you, I wanted to give you some time to get used to that idea before dropping another bombshell on you. I was pretty close to telling you before that disastrous date, and before our fight about you moving in. But then, we came across other things to deal with. And I didn't want to tell you just before I left, 'cos things were so good. I was gonna tell you as soon as you got here." Hamilton took this in, and nodded. He understood. Jake felt her shoulders drop slightly as she noticed he'd accepted what she'd said.  
  
"I feel like I don't know you anymore."  
  
"You know I don't like salmon." Jake said, and looked at him as he breathed a silent laugh, before continuing on a more serious note. "You know I love you. You know I love riding my bike, and that I'm an ace hacker. You know how much I want my mom's attention. Hamilton, essentially, what you know.is me. With a secret daughter, or one you know about, I've always been myself with you."  
  
Hamilton knew this was true. She'd never put up a front with him; that's why he'd been attracted to her in the first place. But he still had concerns.  
  
"It hurts that you lied, twice." Hamilton paused. "And I feel like I'm unimportant to you, 'cos you didn't tell me. That time in the shower. It meant so much to me, 'cos it made me feel like I was important, and special. Because you showed me some of yourself nobody else has seen. But they have, and more. I feel like I'm not as special any more."  
  
"Oh, Hamilton, you are! You are special.precious, to me. And so important. That's why I didn't sleep with you straight away like I did with other guys. Because you mean more to me than that. Everything we've ever done is special, because it's the first time I've done it in love. When we go all the way, it's not going to be.'having sex', it's going to be making love. And I'm sorry I lied. I don't want to hurt you."  
  
There was a long silence, as Hamilton processed what she'd said. Then, he came out with one of the things that had been really bothering him.  
  
"I'm scared that I'm not gonna be up to anything. I feel small that my girlfriend is more experienced than me." Hamilton blushed slightly as he said that. He knew it was a pretty minor thing, but it would bug any guy, he thought.  
  
"Sex isn't everything, Hamilton. Besides, when we kiss, it's so amazing. So making love to you is bound to be mind blowing! Because I love you, I really do." Jake smiled at him, she knew he wasn't convinced.  
  
"Hamilton." She moved to sit next to him, and turned his face to hers. "Sex was never anything special to me. I never felt much from it. With you, it'll be a completely different experience."  
  
"I just feel like you're a different person now."  
  
"I'm not. Emily's been around all the time I've known you. Just 'cos you know doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean I'll stop whooping your ass at video games. It doesn't mean I'll stop kissing you in the same way, or drooling over your body when you're not looking." Jake smiled slightly when she thought of that. Hamilton's eyes lit up, although Jake didn't see. "It doesn't mean I love you less. It doesn't mean I don't want to make love for the first time to you. I do. Don't doubt me when I say I love you. I do. I love you so much."  
  
Jake knew she'd begun gabbling by now, but she was desperate. "And I know it's hard, but I need you to forgive me. I need you."  
  
Hamilton could sense how desperate she was, and knew that she was rambling. He looked at her intently and could think of nothing other than how much he wanted to kiss her. As she carried on speaking, looking at her hands, he leant toward her. He held her neck and kissed her hard, on the lips.  
  
Jake stopped talking as she felt his strong hands on her neck, and her heart skipped as his lips pressed against hers. *Wow* she thought, as her hands ran up his chest to cradle his face, *that shut me up!*  
  
*That shut her up* he thought, as he moved his lips against hers. He deepened the kiss, and she responded with just as much passion, melting under his touch.  
  
Finally, they broke away for air, breathing heavily. Hamilton looked at Jake and stroked her hair as she looked straight back into the deep pools of emotion that were his eyes.  
  
Their eyes locked and they didn't need words. All was forgiven, and all there was was love. 


End file.
